Not Today MS. I’m Still Here, And Not Tomorrow Either

This one’s for everyone who’s done being polite to MS.

I write most of my thoughts between commutes and reality checks.

These aren’t quotes …..they’re survival notes.

You’re not your thoughts. You’re the one noticing them.

If you’re tired, angry, or numb, you’re not alone.

I love you for still showing up, and if you love me back, keep reading.

October 15th…

On my way to a job I like… that doesn’t always like me back.

When you’re dealing with a chronic disease it’s easy to give up.

My body’s running a comedy show my nerves didn’t approve.

I’m exhausted before I even move.

So yeah some days I say “F it.”

I hide under my cooling blanket and act like time doesn’t exist.

And that’s okay… until it’s not.

Because crawling out of that hole feels like trying to escape quicksand while holding bricks with your soul.

And guess what? You have to do it again tomorrow. Every morning, every day off, it’s just the same shit.

Positivity is a workout.

Smile. Breathe. Be grateful.

Meanwhile, your bladder’s planning a surprise attack and your legs are ghosting you.

When’s the right time to scream “F you, MS”?

Any damn time you want.

But don’t live there too long  you’ll catch a bad vibe.

And negativity spreads faster than my spasticity on a humid day.

I try to manifest healing.  Each and every single day. 

When I catch my breath, I remind myself:

“My spirit keeps showing up. And That’s enough.”

Stillness doesn’t mean stuckness, it means I’m tuning in.

Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn’t.

But it’s something to hold onto when faith feels like a rumor.

I picture a future where I’m better. Not cured. Just better.

Where my biggest complaint is arthritis and my weight.

Where I joke, “Remember when I had MS?”

If you’re living with a chronic illness, I see you.

You’ll want to give up, and that’s human.

But MS doesn’t get to write the ending unless you hand it the pen.

So no, I’m not done.

Not today.

Not tomorrow.

Even on the days hope feels like a scam, I still show up.

Because at the end of it all…..MS, do you. I’m still doing me.