Embracing the` Challenges, and Hatting Acceptance :A Letter to You

Hello, dear readers!

I want to take a moment to express my love for you and to thank you for your unwavering support. This blog post is dedicated to each of you.  To those who understand the journey of living with challenges. Your presence means the world to me.

First, I must apologize for the delay in my posts. Life has thrown some challenges my way over the past few months, and staying consistent with my writing has proven difficult. I assure you this wasn’t due to laziness or fatigue, but rather the ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis. October has been tough, and even November has not spared me its trials. There are days I long for nothing more than to stay in bed, playing video games or reading, rather than facing the world.

This past month has been a testament to the struggles of daily life. As my condition progresses, I find myself reflecting on my “last times” like the last time I walked into a store or sat carefree in a movie theater. Each outing becomes a conscious effort as I navigate these hurdles. Even if it takes me 15 minutes to walk to my car, I remain determined to tackle these barriers head-on. I often remind my wife that I will keep pushing myself until I can’t anymore, regardless of how I appear in the process. Yes, I do use a wheelchair when absolutely necessary; it allows me to take part in life more fully, something that’s crucial for anyone living with MS.

The hardest lesson for me has been acceptance. It took nearly two years to reach a semblance of peace with my situation, yet it does not mean I have to love it. I despise the struggles and the unpredictability of my body. I wish things were easier, that I could avoid the frustrations that come with falling especially when it’s unexpected, quick, or painfully slow.

I’ve found myself in a tricky spot lately, where the monotony of each day feels like the film “Groundhog Day.” The routine is predictable: wake up, work, rest, and repeat. It’s a struggle, but I try to infuse moments of new experiences to stave off the threat of depression. I immerse myself in learning, listening to podcasts, and binge watching shows—currently, I’m hooked on “Yellowstone.” Watching it makes me dream of living the cowboy life, albeit in my wheelchair!

Every challenge I face is just that a challenge. One of the most daunting obstacles is making it to work. I must wake up extra early and prepare myself, hoping to regain some energy along the way. My persistent battle with “Mr. Stairs” remains an uphill challenge literally. Climbing stairs feels like scaling Mount Everest, and I often feel defeated at the top.

I won’t sugarcoat it; pushing through my symptoms to uphold my job responsibilities is a daily battle. When I first started my job seven years ago, I felt like just another number. Now, I feel as though there’s a target on my back. My wheelchair can be a lonely parade it’s a symbol of my fight for a cure. Finding effective accommodations has been a struggle, and getting through a traditional workplace has had its hurdles. I know that a hybrid or remote work situation would be ideal, yet navigating my emotions while keeping them in check is a delicate dance I have to perform daily.

When I step outside, I sometimes find it hard to connect with those who don’t understand my journey. Insensitive questions can be frustrating, especially when people offer unsolicited advice about my condition. Despite these moments, I try to remain grounded and focus on gratitude. Those who know me often speak kindly, but the imposter syndrome creeps in, making it hard for me to accept their praise. I recognize my flaws and my past struggles, and sometimes I feel trapped by them.

As I wrap up this post, I want to remind you not to give up on yourself. Life moves forward, regardless of our struggles. So, my advice is simple: find your flow, dance with life, or even just take small steps. Life, with all its challenges, offers lessons that are only yours to learn. It’s up to you to decide whether you will continue to fight or become a quitter in a program designed for resilience. 

Thank you for being on this journey with me. Let’s face the challenges together!